This is a dramatized impression of Jesus and may contain theological errors due to my limited human understanding and linguistic expression of the infinite God.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
— Ephesians 5:31-32, ESV
I love her. There’s no other way to phrase this. I love her more than anything I’ve ever had. Glory? Riches? Heaven?
No! I love her more than all of these!
I love her not because of she’s pretty or she’s smart. Rather, I love her because God loved me. She is God’s present for me! God made her for me. She’s mine. She’s… well… if only she knew.
She will be the bones of my bones; the flesh of my flesh. She is all that I ever treasure. She is the reason for all of creation.
I’ll be one with her. She will be one with me. And for all of eternity, surrounded by the riches of Heaven, we will worship my Father.
We will be one flesh, one soul, one spirit. All that I have will be hers. All that she has will be mine. There is nothing in all of eternity that we will not have in common.
I’ll lay beside her by the river of life, admiring the wonders of all creations with her. All I ever wanted was her by my side. I wanted to love her, to care for her, to kiss her, to embrace her, to consummate our love in the divine richness of God’s wisdom. I… I love her.
She’s supposed to be my wife.
But, things changed.
I’ve never regretted a bit about giving her free will. I… I gotta say that I know this is coming. I mean, even angels who served me fell from the heavens in opposition to my sovereignty… What more humans in all their limitedness and ignorant nature.
I gave them all they ever needed. I taught them what was right and what was wrong. But I had to create the space for them to choose. You know? I did not want to force her to love me. I wanted her love to be genuine. I want her to love me for who I am — the Maker of all Universe.
I could have known, really.
But you, draw near, sons of the sorceress, offspring of the adulterer and the loose woman. Behind the door and the doorpost you have set up your memorial; for, deserting me, you have uncovered your bed, you have gone up to it, you have made it wide; and you have made a covenant for yourself with them, you have loved their bed, you have looked on nakedness.
— Isaiah 57:3 & 8, ESV.
You chose something else other than me.
The Divine Struggle
In that instance, I knew. I knew you’ll never be one heart with me. Your soul cannot be one with me. Your spirit was torn from mine. I was crushed.
I was there standing right beside you when you reached out and took that bite. If only you were to turn your head a little, you’d have seen me and stop! But you sought the snake, the Father of lies, who told you that you can be like me. Inwardly, I do not know how I should react to your actions. On the one hand, I’d lovingly tell you that a created creature can never outdo the Maker. On the other, I cannot tell you how much I hated that fruit and that snake.
For a fruit, you’ve dirtied yourself inwardly. I can no longer be one in the body with you. Even if I were to be, you wouldn’t like it. You have your mind set on something else other than me! How can you then, love me the way you were meant to?!
For the temptation of a snake, you’ve had your mind fixed on selfish gains. You no longer trust that I can give you all that you need and want. You no longer believe that I am the giver of all things. You took that fruit with your very hands… And ate.
If only… I could have cut your hands off so you couldn’t grab that fruit! If only I can dig out your eyes so you wouldn’t be tempted by the reflection of the fruit! If only I can close your ears so you wouldn’t hear the hisses of the snake!
But… I maintained myself and let you be.
I was right there when you turned your back towards me. I was right beside you when you walked away.
Holding onto that fruit, you tore my heart in two. All that I wished for you and for me, vanished in that very instance. I know, I know, I’ve lost you.
My only wish now is the possibility to turn back time.
But, I know, my Father has a plan. He won’t give up so easily.
He loves me. And I know, for His love towards me, He has a plan for you.